Mission Hill is one SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP show. There is a long speech about why Masturbation is good, given by a man in rubber hotpants with teddy bears on them. ... ... that was a bad type-o. (on my part in #IFF) I'm not kidding either. ...I'm so sorry I missed that. You capitalized Masturbation. So... the institution rather than the act? "We here at Masturbation are confident that our recent marketing drive..." * Atom snerks. It practically sells itself. ... "Sex sells, but Masturbation is cheaper." * Chamelaeon dies laughing. No, no. It's just how the show made it sound. Really. So... it was like the brackets? Damn you. I'm laughing my head off. Yes. Okay, now I'm picturing the ad campaigns. DAMN YOU. ...NOT a fun image. "[OOSHA!] [RAKUSHOU!] [MASTURBATION!]" "..." ... * Abigail snaps his fingers. It hurts. Damn you Todd. Damn you. * Todd snickers. I hope I live to see a world where masturbation is advertised on the streets. * Atom is cracking up. Oh lordy. "Dinner: $45 Movie: $20 Gas Money: $5 Masturbation: Priceless" ... ... Oh, goddess, I AM going to die. * Ardweden cracks up. Good lord. Don't leave home without it. Adam - ... is that legal? "Everything your right hand could ever need. For everything else, there's Mastercard." * Atom breaks down into laughter again. Damn you. No... it's Porn Magazine: $5 X-Rated movie theater ticket: $10 10 minute 1-900 phone call: $30 That wonderful feeling as you beat yourself off: Priceless. You can't say 'beat off' on TV. If you want to SELL, you have to make it sound more elegant. * Mechalink laughs. "Manipulate yourself.". "Masturbation. Where suggesting a threesome is as hard as lifting your left hand." "'Masturbation'. From Calvin Klein." * Todd SNICKERS. * Ardweden nearly falls off her chair. Oh lord. Masturbation. Accept no substitutes.' "The choice of a new generation." "For those who think young." "Masturbation. The other white meat." God damn you all. New Improved Masturbation! "Tonights game is sponsered by... Safeway: Where you get the select price. Farmers Home Insurance: Right where you want them to be. And Masturbation: Because there's no better kind of satisfaction." The perfect commercial! Britney Spears shows up, so straight men everywhere get sold on it. Then she gets punched, which gets everyone else hot! --> Sidhe (sidhe@65.240.122.43) has joined #HHHitSquad "Practice safe masturbation. Paid for by the EZ Lube Foundation of America." Good timing, Sidhe. Welcome to Ball Hell. Speaking of which. c.c Oh, WRONG time to show up here. ^^; * Todd goes to see more Shaman King. Ball Hell? Oh dear lord. Err, yeah. I'm thinking if onanism bothers you, Mark, you may wanna come back in, like, twenty minutes. "Don't worry. There's a Masturbation for that.[sm]" "Your way, right away." "Masturbation. Where do you want to go today?" Errr... not so much 'go', the active form, as the, errr, passive form. (I just hemmed and hawed over 'come'. How sad is that? I really am losing my edge.) ( They made a joke using that in MH actually. ) * Todd grins. Chat... HISSATSU! *powerpose* (Heh.) Welcome to the new M(asturbation)TV! All naked vidoes, all the time! You know, the sad thing is... American commercials? Very tame compared to international ones. It might as well be that way now/ * Adam nods. GOD yes. "Masturbation. When you absolutly, positivly have to be there overnight." I am envisioning the Cleos that year. It's FUNNY. British commercials were INSANE. * Adam breaks out laughing. * Abigail has grown to like Japanese commercials. * Todd snickers. Japanese commericals scare me. * Adam gets a list of "top 10 slogans". Oh, this is good. The pause that refreshes. TIIIIIIME DIIIIISH! Anabukin-chan will have more than a large racoon to worry about, I suspect. Oh lord. Wau! WAU indeed. AFTUR SERVICE. http://www.adage.com/century/slogans.html <-- Okay, just read through these. :P * Todd SNICKERS. http://students.washington.edu/dbno99/MangaScreener/ShamanKing/v06c53/01.jpg -- From the first page of a SHaman King issue. * Adam falls over a few times. The raccoon on the left is the one who trapped Manta with his immense scrotum. .... I'm not making it up, either. That's the sad part. ... * Atom stares at the slogens. Oh my god. Yes. >%) "Masturbation is forever." "Masturbation. We bring good things to life." "Masturbation: Pasttime of champions." Bwahah! Masturbation: Mikey likes it! ... * Todd ducks. There's the beef! c.c;; * Mechalink falls over laughing. Oh, goddess. That one's getting recorded. Masturbation: Good to the last drop. ... "Masturbation. Does she.. or doesn't she?" That's number 8 on the list too. ((_@ Oh dear sweet Jesus. Masturbation: The Freshmaker! "Mastubation. Where's the Beef?" I like Abigail's version better ^_^;; Masturbation: The curiously strong mint. ...Nah, that sucks. Masturbation: The pause that releases. "Mastubation: We try harder." HAR. ... Oh lord. "Mastubation. Let your fingers do the walking." Obey your thirst. Masturbation. ...... ... ... That's an actual slogan too. ... Indeed. * Ardweden thwaps Todd with plushie. Ow. "Just do it." I'm not going near the Morton Salt slogan, either. *snerk* "I wanna be like Mike!" "Mastubation: We bring good things to your life." * Todd snerks. Crystal Masturbation! New Masturbation and Classic Masturbation! Diet Masturbation tastes more like real sex! Masturbation: Estd. in 1779 Masturbation: Let your fingers do the walking. You're behind, Jeff. ;) DR: I did that one already/ Oh, poot. "Mastubation: Have you had your break today?" And they say IFF is childish :P Masturbation: Because it should melt in a mouth, not in a hand. ... Loose lips sink ships. Masturbation. The telephone is, once again, your friend.[tm] "Behold the power of Mastubation." *snerk* Wild, screaming, self made orgasms, at the touch of yourself. Who will bring these things to you? AT&T. Masturbation: M'm m'm good. * Todd considers LJposting this. Two hands: Double your pleasure, double your fun. Masturbation: We love to see you smile. MASTURBATION EAT FRESH! ... * Adam falls over. ... Masturbation: A little dab'll do ya. * Ardweden stares at Todd, then just... falls over. x.x * Mechalink is still laughing. This is without a doubt, the STRANGEST Conversation I have seen in here. Masturbation? You're soaking in it! I'm conceptually perplexed that a conversation involving masturbation can inclued both Ard & Calc and still continue to exist. ^_^; Masturbation softens hands while you do dishes. Masturbation? Yeah, we got that. Masturbation: For all your two thousand parts. Come home and relax to the tune of Masturbation. * Todd snickers. Did we already do Masturbation: It's what's for dinner. Masturbation: Now playing in a theatre near you. * Ardweden is still staring blankly at the ceiling from that one like Todd said. "Mastubation? Yeah, we got that." Cham did that one. * Ardweden throws a shoe at the Typo Demon, though. :P Geez, people, keep up. ;) The all new Masturbation 2002. Your friends will have penis envy. "Masturbation. Everybody runs." "Masturbation is the place for the helpful hardware man." * ColdFury refrains from commenting what highly advertised activity often involves staring blankly at the ceiling. *DUCKS* "Masturbation: In space, nobody can hear you scream." ... Masturbation. Brought to you by your Wisconsin Dairy Farmers. Ok, Fury. You're going to die now. Yes, yes I am. "You're in good hands with Masturbation." Choosy moms choose Masturbation. er, I mean, what? I was referring to... ... ... sleep! Masturbation: it's the creamiest! ... * Ardweden twitches. "I lost 5 pants sizes! Thank you, Masturbation!" "Rest, keep warm and drink liquids" - American Airlines Vacations "Mas-tur-bation, the San Fransisco treat." Masturbation: It's GRRRRREAT! * ColdFury falls over laughing at Cham's. "Masturbation is our middle name." <-- Sidhe has quit (Read error: Broken pipe) * Ardweden cracks up. * Mechalink wipes tears from his eyes. ^_^;; "Reach out and touch someone." * ColdFury pictures that last one. "John 'Masturbation' Smith." ... ... "Snap Crackle Pop, Masturbation" just has issues with it. ... I think Shaft or Calculus still wins out ^_^;; In the bedrooms of life, there are watchers and there are Masturbators. Masturbators wanted. ... The Power to Be Your Best. Well, every good marketing campaign needs a poster boy. ... my /kill sense is tingling. "Stop. Go. Mastubate." "Promise her anything, but give her Masturbation." "Yo quiero Masturbation!" HEE. Masturbation: Aim High. Be all that you can be. Masturbation. "Masturbation makes mornings they'll remember." "Burger King. Home of Mastubation." "Mas." "Tur!" "Bation!" "You Too Can Have A Body Like Mine." Masturbation: Tap the Rockies. Oh, I am never going to sleep now. no, that's dumb. "Hello?" "MASTUBATION!" "MASTUBATION!" "What's going on? Nothing much, just watch the porn, having some masturbation." "Next to myself, I like Masturbation best." "The Greatest Show on Earth." "Masturbation works wonders." --- Abigail is now known as DamienRoc "Mastubation: Approved by the Catholic Church." Masturbation: Kid tested, mother approved. Masturbation: Like a Rock. "Masturbation won't wait for the nation that's late." M a S - Sex is so overated. T u R - Really Fun time! b a T I o N! Masturbation Club! Masturbation: There's no better." "Tell someone you love about Masturbation. The health business, we're not in it for the money." Masturbation has the way to say you care. "Progressive. If we can't mastubate you, we'll tell you someone who can." "CALL NOW FOR YOUR FREE MASTURBATION!" When you say Masturbation, you've said it all. The five of pentacles be sayin', you bettah get some lube. ... *falls over* Oh lord. Have it your way. Are we done? Oh, goddess, this has gone on too long.... Masturbation: Change your lube every 3000 strokes. So creamy it's almost fattening. * Todd is going to idle to read Shaman King now. @_@ ... * Atom prays to god he has this logged. Damn. I do. YAY. Woot! M'm M'm Good. Send it to lina@sandwich, Calc. ^_^ I'm going to go collapse and sleep, and pray that if I get an interview tomorrow I have forgotten all about this. * Ardweden has it logged, too. ... Oh dear. 'kay. ^_^ Nightchikins. "Now they whisper *to* her...not about her." Masturbation: It's what the government doesn't want you to know. S'long Cham. <-- Chamelaeon has quit (Quit: Fiddlefuckers, indeed.) Ciao, Cham. ...... .... "It's what your right arm's for." - Courage Beer ... ^_^_v Interesting quit line, there. c.c; Boy, people in #IFF are gonna wonder about that one. "Getting there is half the fun." ... I'm scared that of all people, CALC is the one still going o.o; I have a biiiig page of slogans. ^_^ I'm cheating. :P Really? Where? http://advertising.utexas.edu/research/slogans/ "Masturbation is the power of an idea multiplied." I think I'll stop now. ^_^ --- You are now known as Calculus >NickServ< identify Omouse Masturbation: Have you had yours today? It keeps going, and going, and going... Fresh Squeezed Mastubation. ....... Mastubation: I can't believe I ate the whole thing Masturbation: 99 44/100% pure. You're in good hands with Mastubation. Masturbation: Fast, Fast, Fast Relief. Already did that one, Atom. "Shall the man work - or shall you? ... Back of every great step in women's progress from a drudge to a free citizen has been some labor-saving invention." "Mastubation: Ring around the collar." Masturbation: The Skin You Love To Touch. Mastubation: Small wonder "No wonder the English have kept cool for 192 years." Relieves gas pains." Mastubation: "You've come a long way, baby." Still going. Nothing outlasts the Masturbator bunny. He keeps going and going and going and going. Mastubation: "Some of our best men are women." .... Buy a bucket of Masturbation and have a barrel of fun. Mastubation: "The better stain getter." Masturbation: Takes a licking and keeps on ticking. "Everybody needs some love.. sometime...." "Don't put a cold in your pocket! - Use Kleenex Tissues." Nooo comment. "They all laughed when I sat down at the piano, but oh!, when I began to mastubate ..." "I love what you do for me - Mastubation!" Oh lord. There are so many. Yes. "Even your best friends won't tell you." Even a Policeman can get mastubate! Now we need to start doing photoshops of these in the style of the original ads. ^_^; "Come to Marlboro Country." ..... Masturbation: It's so simple. No Dame. We are not going to start the next "All your base." You deserve a break today. Stay good Dame! Stay Good! CF: Yes. We are. I was a Jerk until I discovered mastubation Masturbation: The best a man can get! .. Masturbation. Is it not Nifty? Billions and billions served. ... Oh dear GOD. Masturbation: Even Mikey likes it. Masturbation: One fiddler you won't have to pay. Bwah! MASTURBATION - Where's your mustache? Office Depot. Proud Sponsor of the US Masturbation Team. Masturbation: It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. I1f you have a son 10 years old, you'd better start worrying. Help Masturbate Masturbation: Does a body good. "Pass the Lubrication. Oldsmobile workers have been doing it for nearly two years." Some girls have developed a lot more than just their minds. "Wherever particular people congregate." "Good masturbation is like friendship: rich and warm and strong." How do you spell relief? M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-O-N. Mastubation: All you add is love. "Come alive! You're in the Pepsi generation." Does it make sense to jump out of a warm bed into a cold mastubation? "Where will you be when your Masturbation starts to work?" "The world's most pleasant alarm clock!" If you won't hire her, don't complain about supporting her. "What's the ugliest part of your body?" - Pretty Feet Deodorant (1969) What's the ugliest part of your body?" ... Damn you Calculus. "It costs a lot to bring a hero home. Get ready to buy Masturbation." Masturbation: Moving at the speed of business. If someone's selling you sacks of diet pills, he's not in business for your masturbation." "I was a _____ until I discovered Masturbation." "Obey Your Thirst." I did that one already. Darn. And Todd did the other one. "Mastubation: The greatest tragedy is indifference." Masturbation: We'll keep the light on for ya!" Masturbation: It's thinking. We really need to stop. I think we've used up all of the good ones on that list... * Ardweden watches her brother read over her shoulder. He goes from blank, to cracking up, to just saying no and going over to bang his head against the wall. Yay for broken brains. ^_^ ^_^_v ((_^_v And they seemed so normal.. HA! We have broken the chicken's brains! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! *Mostly* harmless. KEVIN! ONE DAY YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RUN FROM MY MIGHTY LUIGI FISTS OF DESTRUCTION! MUAHAHAHAH! ... I'm sure he's shaking in his boots Fury. * ColdFury shakes his fist in Chicago's general direction! Chris is sad, you know that? I've know that for a long while. OOOSHA! Did I wiiiin!? Why can't he just admit defeat? I journied to Chicago to face you, young brother of Arwen! You did not appear! You lose by forfeit! It is you who taste defeat this bitter bitter night of defeat! Yahooie! ... "Out of my way. I'm going to see my Masturbation." *dramatic BGM* ... "It's Masturbation. *pimpmusic*." Oh. And 8. * ColdFury dresses like Terry Bogard. "KEEEVIIIIIIN!!!" * ColdFury shakes his fist then straightens his hat. * Ardweden smacks Fury. Knock it off, he's in another room. Wah! ;_; Whew...okay, I think that conversation is officially over. I vote that it be cordoned off and sealed. yes. Yes. I agree. Let us never speak of it again. Except once Todd posts it to LJ. Yes. Except then. I vote we ask him to change our names. Next Week... on #HHHitsquad... The New Advertising campaign for... FELLATIO! Fury, NO. No. No. *snicker* Three out of four ops agree. No Fellatio for you. .... ... MUST... REFRAIN.... COMMENT. * ColdFury kills Atom instead of commenting. Ow. Hey Calc, I just sent *four* spams your way in one message. They're all the *same* spam, different senders @_@; Gah. * Atom eyes the spam he just got and just plain cracks up. I have ONE thing in my inbox. ... *dread* See if you can guess what it says? Increase? "Mastubation: It's a great way to relieve stress. Come to our site (Siteremoved)" .............. * Calculus falls over. Night <-- Brett has quit (Quit: X.x) * Atom is just laughing and laughing, and he can't stop. We broke Brett AND Ard's brother! We go girls! If anyone posts this to their LJ, please change the names to protect the innocent. Like.. uh.. ... * Atom holds up Mecha. "Poor little Mecha here." Yyyyeah. * Mechalink snickers. You can't change my name. One of the jokes depends on it. * Mechalink giggles. Damn. Oh well. Hah! What about.. uh.. poor Ard! I didn't do anything guilty. :P Yes, she's innocent. We have to protect her. So obviously, we have to take false names. That makes no sense. Calculus will be known as "Shaft.". You can call me "Ethan.". DR will be "MysticalBird". ColdFury will be "Dan." ... Ard: You never saw Dragnet? Mecha will be renamed "Mikey" Atom: I did. And I thought it made no sense there, either. :P and Todd will be renamed... Toddd! Mecha is Mikey and Todd is... "Kei." And katster will be "retsatk.". Nobody will guess. You people are horrible at renaming people. No, duh? Ask for it by name! So easy to use, no wonder it's #1. *Ethan* "A hard day calls for a Mike's Hard Masturbation"